Across the country, many churches and denominations are dealing with declining attendance as they see fewer and fewer people showing up for Sunday services. There is one group however that is experiencing tremendous growth in record numbers.
You probably have several of these churches in your home town. I’m talking about the Church of the Lobby.
Never heard of the Church of the Lobby? Its numbers are swelling.
The Church of the Lobby is home to a staggering number of individuals with special needs and their family members. On any given Sunday, a tremendous number of special needs families will take their seats or line the walls in the lobby of their respective churches.
Because of the attentive needs of their child, or perhaps because of the sensory needs, or behaviors, they often flee the regular service for the sanctuary of the lobby. So another week goes by without an opportunity for the family to worship together with the rest of the congregation.
When our son was much younger, and our previous church did not offer a special needs ministry, my wife and I would have to alternate who would leave the service with our son for the safe, non-judgmental confines of the lobby whenever his autism manifested with inappropriate sounds, vocalizations, and stimming.
For a while we tried distracting him by feeding him bagels. But as he grew and got older I was afraid I was going to have to put an omelet bar in the back row!
I will never forget the time a church included every child in its Christmas play except one.
Mine.
Or the Sunday when my wife scooped up her purse and with my son in her arms, fled to the car, saying, “Sometimes my reality is just too real.’
Finally, when that holy discontent consumed us, my wife and I helped start the special needs ministry at that church.
We have made tremendous progress in the last decade as more and more churches are establishing special needs ministries. These churches recognize that special needs families are a massive unreached people group- a vast mission field. So they have sought training and equipping to become accepting, welcoming communities for special needs families.
But here’s the glaring issue that still requires our attention. The phrase “special needs ministry” has become associated with children’s ministry. What about our middle school age and high school age individuals and then young adults and adults who are disabled or challenged? What is being done to address their spiritual needs? In this arena, there is still much work to be done.
Our son is now nineteen years old and still requires a self-contained classroom. But to put him in the same small room with toddlers and younger children does everyone a disservice and isn’t a safe environment, much less conducive to learning.
The church Jesus described in Luke 14 embraces everyone with disabilities regardless of age. Don’t tell our families that your church is special needs friendly or has a special needs ministry. Instead, show us that welcoming and embracing the whole special needs family is just part of your culture and DNA. Then you will be a Luke 14 Church!
I’ve been a special needs dad for almost twenty years now. Special needs families are “my people.” I have a heartfelt message for the church. My people are dying- relationally, spiritually, and emotionally. We crave community and a feeling of belonging to your church.
Show us that the doors to the Kingdom of God are handicap-accessible. Put the Church of the Lobby out of business and announce a merger with the rest of your congregation.
We started to attend a “mega church” in our area and I was pretty bummed about the lack of inclusion we felt with our son. We were shown the “special needs” room when all I asked about was special needs seating.
Amen Jeff!!
Thanks be to GOD who gives us the VICTORY Jeff!
Amen
I loved this one.I am still smiling as I remember so many Sundays attempting to attend the Church of the Lobby.The elevators in the picture grabbed my attention. I also remember attending our sons preference,the Church of the Elevators!
Great post! My wife and I continue to push our church to do this. We lead a small group for adults with special needs and seek ways we can include them with the rest of our congregation.
Hi Jeff, thank you for the great article, it is spot on! So does your son have a room where he goes during the church service with a caregiver? Are they alone? What kinds of things do they do? My husband is on his second term as an elder at our church. We absolutely love our church and know they love us. Currently, however, we can be found every Sunday sitting in the lobby, looking through the glass. God bless your ministry and your family!
I forgot to mention, our son turns 19 next month. It’s hard to believe!
Amen! Ours is also the church of the lobby and the church of the “cry room” (for crying babies). 😥
Love the sentiment. Lately, however, I have learned that the term “special needs” is frowned upon by many disabled individuals. Being the parent of 2 disabled (by very rare degenerative genetic syndrome), I had not considered that the term and person-first language were not acceptable to MANY.
I, too had to attend Sunday School classes, in 2 different denominations, in order to assist and show the teachers how they could adapt the lessons. I never had to attend the church of the lobby, but have seen it many, many times. So I agree with including all into the congregation worship & activities. The question becomes “How?” for convincing the churches to inclusion and the adaptations the churches would need to take.
I brought up website/communications accessibility recently for our conference website/communications and cost was one of the first replies received.
Thanks Jeff for posting on this issue.
So far my wife is struggling with the sense of stigma when she thinks about taking our son to attend Sunday Liturgy or service. She always imagine what happens repeatedly to her friend who takes her son to attend church among other judgemental adults.
I liked that you said
” Show us that the doors to the Kingdom of God are handicap-accessible.” Praise the Lord Yes,every body is invited as long as they whitened their clothes in the blood of the lamb. Yes we and our kids are invited das long as we have the appropriate attire on us even if we go through the gates with disabilities, even if the society considered us being punished for our sins by having disabled children. Sometimes, the disability is not physical or mental but spiritual. There are people who are blind from the Truth or not able to see God in His deeds however they are physically able to see. Some people are deaf as they cannot hear God’s commands and others are unable to walk in His Holy way.
I’ve read about your ministry and am familiar with it because of the Tim Tebow foundation and Night to Shine. You are truly doing a wonderful work. Everything you said is so true. Our affiliation with the foundation and hosting a prom the last two years led us to become very aware of the need to totally revamp our special needs ministry. We have just opened an enlarged and completely renovated area for our “Thrive” Ministry to people with special needs. Our youngest is around three years of age and our oldest over 60. We would love to meet you and give you a tour of our space if you are ever near First Baptist Church in Woodstock Georgia.
Jeff. I don’t know you personally. We’ve never had the opportunity to meet, but you have apparently been watching my son and I from across the lobby.
As a former pastor, I have deeper understanding than most of the challenges of running a church. I understand that resources are tight and volunteers are few. I get that. But I can’t help but feel the disconnection that attempts to swallow me these days, sitting across from you in that lobby.
I miss taking communion with my family and friends. I miss worship. I miss the connection I used to have at church.
When I was a pastor, my phone would ring off the hook with people wanting to meet with me. My wife and I would have to pick which holiday parties to attend so that we wouldn’t burn out and miss the entire point of Christmas. At the time, I felt connected with the Body of Christ. Now, I feel alone in a building filled with believers. Don’t get me wrong. People are nice, but it feels so fake.
I’ve grown to despise the lobby. It’s a necessity but it feels like a prison … or a time out. There are TVs on the wall, but they just run through slides promoting the church or upcoming activities … again a sobering reminder of the events my son and I won’t be able to take part in. There’s no service; no message filled with hope. It’s only the rinse and repeat monotony of those damn slides.
I have a confession. I’ve started skipping church. Some Sundays are just too much and we need a break from the constant, underlying anxious questions my wife and I ask ourselves each Sunday. “Will he have a meltdown today? Will he become so overwhelmed by something that he yells, “What the hell?!” at the top of his lungs during kids worship?” We don’t know. We never know. There’s no manual for taking a kid on the spectrum to church. The inevitable, disapproving stares crush our spirits and we leave feeling less connect than when we walk in. It breaks our hearts.
We’ve found another church family that gets it. They work hard to help us out each Sunday. They love Collin. He’s not a burden to them. They look forward to seeing him and ask how we’re doing if we do skip a Sunday. The kids in his class may think he’s different, but I’ve yet to see one of them look at him and whisper something to another kid. That means the world to me. I’m starting to feel more connected but it’s a challenge. Still, it’s a start. There are times where I still have to sit in the lobby. It happens, but now I know I’m not alone. You’ve been watching from across the lobby. I see you. Thank you for the connection.
I have a 27 year old, with Asgerger’s, a 23 year old with quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy, a 21 year old recently diagnosed with schizophrenia, and a 4 year old granddaughter on the spectrum. Much of what has been said here is quite familiar to me. We have never felt judged by either of the churches we’ve been part of. We were asked, how can we help? What can we do to meet the spiritual (and other) needs of your family.? Frankly, I did not and do not know. I will look forward to reading your website to get ideas how “non-typical” people can be a thriving part of the Body of Christ. I have been blessed to know so many willing hearts, but mostly clueless as to how to equip in the church setting.
I was once a member of The Church of the Lobby from the time my youngest child was diagnosed with a severe bleeding disorder and the consequent hospitalizations coincided with my older children’s disabilities until my family finally came apart. There is a whole universe of pain included in that last sentence. It is healing to read that families in the lobby are not forgotten. Thank you.
Hey Jeff,
Absolutely love this!! So true that while most churches consider starting ministry within the context of children’s ministry, we must be about the entire church accepting families and ensuring that everybody fully belongs!
Praying for you as you continue to beat the drum of true inclusion and welcome!
Thank you. Our son is almost 18 and on the Spectrum. He loves Jesus (more than we understand). He loves to go to church but past 5 years won’t go in the sanctuary. Past year he sits in church library that has speaker and my husband & family members trade places halfway thru service so my husband can join me. Our church is very accepting & loving but is a struggle as to including him. Good food for thought. God bless.
Resources. As a pastor of a growing church who would like to address these needs I need resources. I appreciate articles revealing the need. What I need are articles or resources that provide a step by step process for how to do this well. In the comments I am reading, some feel alienated because there is no specific place to meet their needs (a room, etc.) In other posts and comments I read about people being discouraged because a room is offered.
Does anyone have a template? A practical guide for how to do this in a church of 200?
I live in western Mass. Here is where I go with my 11year old son with autism: http://www.jerichobeca.org
I am not a pastor. I am a parent of two with autism. We belong to a growing church. We do not have a special needs ministry at our church. Here is what I recommend as a place to start. 1. Set the tone. Be the pastor who engages the family with special needs. Talk to them. Get to know them. If there is an area that they are suited for volunteering in, recruit them. For years our church was mobile and we rented space for service. … our family helped set up on a monthly basis for several years until we had our own building. My oldest was recruited to run AV for children’s ministry when he aged out of children’s ministry, and also helped me teach Sunday school. None of that would be possible if the church would not have supported us. When you set a tone of acceptance, it follows.
2. You are reading two differing opinions on providing a room or not providing a room because the context of each room was not provided and families personal experience with the room is missed. As a special needs parent, “We have a room for you” can be anxiety educing. Having the provision of a room is fine, however, if there is a single family isolated in the room with no one else in the room to minister and the only relationship they are experiencing is with a speaker or TV screen, then the church is missing the exact message of the gospel for that family. Most special needs families experience isolation in one form or another. They don’t need isolation at church. So along with acceptance, we need inclusion and not seclusion.
Thank you for this sensitive and well written post! The Church of the Lobby is a painfully lonely place to be…as is the church of the TV preacher….often the only places a family like mine can worship. I struggled to be included for SO many years…and even when I walked through the sanctuary doors, I was still an outcast…alone in the crowd.
I am immeasurably grateful that we found an accepting church a few years ago. It’s amazing how much difference it makes when worship is not such a struggle!
McLean Bible Church of Virginia just might surprise you. My childhood buddy is a single mom working IT ministry quite because of that body’s ability to share Jesus holistically with her children there. Her son Jack a young adult now also. What a beautiful family….As it turns out the pastor’s daughter is special needs.