“That’s all of that I can take,” I muttered under my breath as I clicked the remote control to turn off the evening news. Watching the news these days can leave you depressed, fearful, apprehensive, and stressed out. No wonder I often prefer the vintage reruns of the Andy Griffith Show to harken me back to more peaceful times.
Try to relax by taking a few minutes to peruse social media? What used to be a news feed of mainly food and cat photos, (by the way if you share more than three cat photos on Facebook, I will block you!) is now full of political rants, disagreements and arguments.
It’s left our society angry, divided and bitter. We often lose our temper over the smallest things. We no longer have any patience, and we no longer seem to have any tolerance for any views other than our own.
Life as we know it, has gotten complicated. Health care, finances, careers, politics, religion, relationships- so many choices, so many decisions, and so much angst.
Then out of the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of my son. He’ s almost 20 years old and I’m still mesmerized by him. His intellectual and cognitive challenges have left him unaware of what’s going in in the world.
I watch him kiss his mom after she feeds him his dinner. I marvel at the way he cackles and laughs while on his platform swing, and I witness the hugs he gives when tucked into his bed.
He is overwhelmingly content. And I am lost in wonder at this beautiful reminder of grace and unconditional love that God has entrusted me to steward. I used to worry that he would live with us the rest of his life because of his special needs. Now I thank God that he will.
He has become more than my son. He is my muse, my teacher- my reminder of God’s goodness, my masterpiece.
I laugh when he laughs. I smile when he smiles. But I weep when I see his twisted feet or he lies on the bathroom floor his body twitching from his latest seizure. I want to hold him in my arms and promise him nothing will ever hurt him again. I don’t want to ever let go.
And I long for Heaven. For a world that knows no pain, no disease, no seizures, no suffering, and no strife. And I’m reminded again that we are just living in exile in this broken world for now.
My son is content with the simple things. He’s grateful in all things. He lives in his own world of innocence and purity where love abides.
I’m jealous of that world.
All those years of trying t draw him out into our world- maybe I should have focused more intently on going into his world. I never got to be the dad that I hoped and dreamed of becoming. My son is helping me become the dad God hoped I would be.
I’ve cried more along this journey than I could have imagine. I have been wrecked to my core. I’ve experienced despair and hurt that I never dreamed existed. But along the way I discovered a world of grace, purity, and unconditional love. I yearn for that world.
This is my son in whom I am well-pleased. I hope he can say the same about his dad.